World Series MVP Manny Ramirez (Getty)
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It's opening day 2005 and Luke Lapinski is back with his power rankings. Stay tuned all season as Luke chimes in from the desert with his thoughts on how the league is shaking out.
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1. NY Yankees (last year: 101-61) - Sure, they have a $205 million
payroll, but that's only about 160 million euros. That's right. This
team's NOTHING in Luxembourg!
2. St. Louis (105-57) - If the last month has taught us anything, its
that Tony LaRussa believes in Mark. At this point, I'm assuming he
means Mulder, right?
3. Boston (98-64) - Talk to me in 86 years.
4. Atlanta (96-66) - Tim Hudson and Leo Mazzone are brought together.
And the collective batting average of the National League just
dropped.
5. Anaheim (92-70) - Now everyone in California can pull for the Los
Angeles Carlsbad Burbank La Jolla Chino Angels of Anaheim Sacramento
Compton (LACBLJCASC). See how much easier that is than calling them
the Anaheim Angels?
6. Florida (83-79) - Adding Delgado gives this well balanced offense
unlimited potential. The defense and pitching were already there. Keep
an eye on them.
7. Minnesota (92-70) - Okay, so let's figure Santana starts about 30
games… there's 30 wins right there… they're already guaranteed to
finish ahead of KC.
8. Chicago Cubs (89-73)- Prior? And Wood? Nursing injuries? No way!
9. San Diego (87-75) - Jake Peavy (15-6, 2.27 ERA) is becoming a true
ace and they have the offense to do some damage. Now, bring back the
camo uniforms!
10. San Francisco (91-71) - Could be without Barry for a long while.
Hopefully, they'll still be more interesting than those Sanford and
Son reruns he talks about.
11. Texas (89-73) - And yet you keep Chan Ho on the roster? Why?
12. Houston (92-70) - Can Jason Lane step up and fill some of the void
left by the loss of Carlos Beltran?
13. Los Angeles (92-70) - No! You're not allowed to put together a
decent team and then start Hee Seop Choi at first! Just stop!
14. Baltimore (78-84) - Addition of Sosa to an already potent lineup
has the AL East wrapped up for these guys. The Sox and Yankees have
their own division now, right?
15. Chicago White Sox (83-79) - I'm assuming that when the Black Sox
threw the Series back in 1919, they didn't think they would be at 88
years and counting without a championship.
16. Philadelphia (86-76) - T.O. will play in the World Series if you
get there. How's that?
17. Seattle (63-99) - Newcomers Beltre and Sexson should revitalize
hitters like Bret Boone. But can they make Joel Piniero and Gil Meche
better pitchers again?
18. Cleveland (80-82) - With young talent just about everywhere (see:
Peralta, Hafner, Broussard, Martinez, Sizemore, etc.), the future
looks real bright.
19. Oakland (91-71) - Had to get rid of one of the big three. So they
decided to get rid of the best two (Hudson, Mulder). Huh??
20. NY Mets (71-91) - Know what? Even if it says "Beltran" and
"Martinez" on the back of the jersey, it still says "Mets" on the
front.
21. Cincinnati (76-86) - At least once this year, Adam Dunn will
strikeout so hard that the wind from his swing will push the ball over
the fence for a homerun anyway.
22. Detroit (72-90) - If all the starters can pitch the way Jeremy Bonderman did near the end of '04 (5-3 in his last 8 starts with a
2.32 ERA and 60 K's), they could make some noise in the AL East. Yes,
an entire rotation of Bonder-Men would help this team immensely…
23. Arizona (51-111) - Solid off season pickups such as Troy Glaus,
Javier Vasquez, Shawn Green, and Jose Cruz have led me to make
"Personal Guarantee #1": 2005 will not see the D'Backs break the 100
loss mark as they did in 2004.
24. Pittsburgh (72-89) - Benito Santiago signs on for a 20th season,
this time with the Pirates. Why, you ask? Because he just may have
found that key to a world series ring… okay, no one knows why he
signed on.
25. Toronto (67-94) - Let's see here, the Blue Jays now represent the
only professional baseball being played in Canada. And Roy Halladay
and Vernon Wells represent the only professional baseball being played
on the Blue Jays. Therefore, Halladay and Wells ARE baseball in
Canada. Fine, Halladay, Wells, and Frank Menechino.
26. Milwaukee (67-94) - In perhaps the offseason's most cunning
strategic move, the Brewers countered the Yankees' Big Unit signing by
picking up Ricky Bottalico. Take THAT!
27. Washington (67-95) - So then why aren't they the Puerto Rico
Montreal Nationals of Washington?
28. Tampa Bay (70-91) - You know you're not technically still an
expansion team after 7 years right? Its okay to win every once in a
while. No one will get offended or anything.
29. Colorado (68-94) - If the air was really that rare up in Colorado,
couldn't this team have just kind of floated away by now?
30. Kansas City (58-104) - "Personal Guarantee #2": uhhh... 2005 will
not see the Royals break the… umm… 1,000 loss mark. I think.
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